Musings of an Empress

Today is the three year anniversary of the death of Spc. Michael G. Mihalakis. He was a member of Clark’s unit in Iraq. Michael died of injuries sustained in a non-combat vehicle accident at the Baghdad International Airport on December 26, 2003.

In some ways it seems difficult to believe that three whole years have passed…in others it seems as if it was an entire lifetime ago. I think that too many of us have lost a personal connection to this war and to the soldiers still fighting it. I know that personally, I would have completely lost touch with the day to day events of the war if it weren’t for MOH and the men in uniform I work with.

However, even with the craziness and stress of everyday life, it’s still important to remember those who gave their all. So, to Michael’s family: Thank you. While my words can never replace what you lost, know that you have my gratitude. I know that nothing can bring your son back; but he will always be remembered.

I thought it was high time that I did my civic duty and let all my wonderful readers see what another of our warrior heroes has to say. Special Agent Frasier is from my hometown and is currently stationed in Iraq. A while back, he wrote this. Now, he’s written again. His letter is here in its entirety.

To the people of [my home] County I write another letter from Iraq. This one is to rebut the numerous articles written by some opposed to President Bush and the war in Iraq. I have read some articles on-line and believe that the thoughts are not only completely without merit, but are simply anti-American. I have read as some have described our president as uncaring and moronic. They often revert to schoolyard name-calling, which is completely useless and reveals immaturity and unfamiliarity of the situation this nation is in. With all of some writers terms of wisdom as to how the war in Iraq is in the words of some “terrible and completely unnecessary” they continuously leaves out one message: An idea for improving the situation.

In my 16 years in the U.S. Army I have been taught not to complain about something unless you have an idea how to fix it. Apparently some have not been taught this lesson. Some are too wrapped up in an obvious political agenda in defacing Mr. Bush, the president of this nation, to think about what is being said.

In my opinion the statements of some mean the soldiers who have died in this war have done so for no reason. I guess they think their families should forget about the lives that their loved ones sacrificed for others. I for one take senseless rhetoric as a jab to my service to this nation and a slap in the face to all that serve or have served.

One writer’s brilliant idea of having the president join patrols with Marines in Iraq during a recent visit is either a sign of instability or a wish for the president to be injured or possibly killed in an attack. Either way it is ridiculous. He is our president and there shouldn’t be any American who wants any harm done to him. He is a symbol of our nation, like it or not. He is our commander and chief. He is a father and a husband. He is our leader. We as Americans need to sound as though we are not supporting the terrorists. Obviously, some are rooting for the insurgents.

As for the idea that this war is unnecessary; I ask those who think such thoughts how many days they have spent on the ground in Iraq? How many Iraqis have they talked to about their current situation and if it has improved since the removal of Saddam? How many terrorists have they seen up close and engaged? I’ll go out on a limb and guess the answers are zero, zero and zero.

This country is improving on a daily basis. I know because I am in Baghdad, Iraq and get to see first hand the violence and all that comes with a war. I also get to see the improvements and steps taken to make this a free and democratic country.

I fight for the First Amendment right to free speech, but that doesn’t mean we should say every delusional thought that comes to our minds. I assure you every soldier that has died for the freedoms that make us the greatest nation in the world, did not consider or want them to be used in a disrespectful of harmful manner towards our nation or its leaders.

For those who oppose this war and the president I ask, if you are an American, act as such. Feel free to complain as much as you seem fit. Dislike the president for the tough decisions he has made. Go ahead and pretend that you would make a better president and hold cabinet meetings with your pets. Have neighborhood children provide you with security while you walk from your car (Road Force One) to your front door.

But please think about what you are saying before you harmfully label a war that many have died for and believe in. Especially when the only way you can see a different view of Iraq is with a remote control. But more importantly have some respect for our country, our president and the troops that fight around the world so terrorist don’t plant IEDs on the roads you drive on. Even if what we are doing is, in the words of some “terrible and completely unnecessary.”

- Jerry K. Frasier is a special agent with the U.S. Army CID, Camp Slayer, Iraq.

Happy Independence day! I always get a little more emotional today…I hope I never lose that. I am proud to be an American and I am grateful for the opportunities and freedoms I am provided simply because I was blessed to be born here.

Tonight I had the pleasure of explaining to my five year old niece why we salute our flag and why we stand for the national anthem with our hands over our hearts. She had the wide-eyed wonderment that so many of us have lost as we’ve grown up. It’s refreshing to see freedom through a child’s eyes. After I answered all of her questions and we settled in to watch the fireworks, she commented that we live in the best place ever!! I have to say, I agree with her.

Go, read what Ms. Joan has to say today and remember why we’re proud to be Americans. And, as you enjoy the rest of the nght and head back to work tomorrow (or the next day if you’re lucky), take a second to remember all the men and women serving around the globe (and here at home) whole ensure that Amenrica remains the Land of the free.

Pretty much anyone who has read more than a handful of my posts knows that I am one of the most pro-military girls you will come across. I don’t believe in Magnetic Patriotism, but I do believe in supporting the men and women of our armed forces in the most real ways I can find. Usually, that means writing letters/Christmas cards, sending care packages, saying thank you whenever possible and doing what i can to get their own words out.

Not too long ago, I came across an editorial letter written by a local soldier that I couldn’t help but pass on to all of you.

Just yesterday, I found a post written by another local military man. A bona fide Seal who just happens to be like a little brother to me. I am so proud of poquito rojo as my brothers call him. So, I wanted to tak a few minutes to share his words:

I don’t like the war, but I’m sitting here waiting for an IA (Individual Augmentation) to come my way and order me off to the land of the sand people.

It isn’t your (or ‘our’ for that matter) choice whether or not we go to war, the best we can do is suck it up and support the ones that have to deal with the bull shit.

…

When I was back home I didn’t think it mattered to the ones that were off and away what was said back in the states. I always thought they were too far away to really care. Now that I’m here and I’ve seen the effect it can have on the ones here with me, I have come to appreciate what just a little bit of support from home can do. And how much damage even the smallest bit of dissent can cause.

Go read the rest. It’s the least we can do when he’s giving so much.

PR stay safe. Take care of you…we’ll see you soon.

I am always thankful for our wonderful military in this country. I try to make use of every opportunity I have to say thank you rather than waiting until a “properly designated” day. That said, I have no words to properly articulate the meaning of this day. It is all I can do to say thank you to the men and women in uniform serving our country. So, i will leave it to others who can say it better than I:

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” ~G.K. Chesterton

“All men are timid on entering any fight. Whether it is the first or the last fight, all of us are timid. Cowards are those who let their timidity get the better of their manhood.” ~George Patton

“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” ~George Orwell

“There are some who’ve forgotten why we have a military. It’s not to promote war; it’s to be prepared for peace.” ~Ronald Reagan

“The battle is now joined on many fronts. We will not waver; we will not tire; we will not falter; and we will not fail.” ~George W. Bush

Now, go read what Ms. Joan and Ms. Beth have to say.

When I was reading in the local paper this morning I came across this letter to the Editor. It touched me, so I decided to share it with ya’ll. This guy is from my hometown.

A View From Iraq

I have been reading articles in The Daily Democrat online that suggest the support for our troops and our war in Iraq is fading or is lost. I am here to say that … well, it’s OK. It’s OK because you can bet your life that we still support you.

All 138,000 of us support the citizens of [this] County and every other county in our 50 states. We do it without the support of many of you and that’s OK. We do it because somebody had to.

We do it because we want to. We do it for our mothers and fathers, our wives and our brothers and sisters. We do it for reasons that most of you will never know or understand. They are not reasons that most of you make “sacrifices” for.

They are not for an extra day off or more money. We don’t have 401k plans or overtime. We don’t have sick days. We have leadership, discipline and honor. We have heart and valor. In the end it is obvious that we have each other. By each other I mean every man or women who has defended this great country.

The country where you can sit in the comfort of your home, knowing that enemies from other countries are not going to attack your city with soldiers and take away your rights. Do any of you know why they won’t? Well it isn’t because they are afraid of what you may say in some overrated poll. No it’s us, the military. They know that if they dared attack our cities we would not only fight, but we would fight with such vengeance that no man has ever seen.

I am a former citizen of [this town]. I say former as I joined the Army in 1990 after graduating from [the local] High School.

Since then I have traveled this world. I have been to Germany, Italy, Spain, Hungarian, Poland, Switzerland, Netherlands, France, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Qatar and more places that I can’t spell or pronounce. I have been to all these places and every time I assemble in them all I can think about is how great it would be to be home in the states.

I have made real sacrifices in my life. Giving up better money to stay in a fight another day. Giving up stability in my life to lead one more soldier, knowing that one soldier could be something great. I’ve given up more than most of you will ever have. I’m not your stereotypical soldier. I have a degree, top secret clearance and have more experience in real life police situations than some entire police departments combined. This is my second time in Iraq. I served in Desert Storm as an MP. I was 19 then and had the same views of the military as now. I have never been a person who feels unappreciated. I don’t need your support to complete my mission. All I need is the support of my family, which I have.

Go ahead and continue to put our war down and trash it as you will. But just remember that we will still support you no matter what you say. We will continue to fight and die if necessary.

We wouldn’t have it any other way. You can believe that we don’t sit around polling ourselves as to how we feel or how high on the complainometer we rate. We are warriors and you are not. End of story. We are willing to die for what we believe in. That is real! As real as it gets. So when you see us on the street be aware that we know who you are. Don’t be afraid, we hold no grudges. We are just happy to be back in the country we fought for. See that’s sacrifice.

So feel free to poll all you want. Go out and join Cindy Sheehan’s crusade. It won’t change the fact that we are here until the job is done and that’s still a ways away.

But if you really want to help, lend your support to someone in the military other than me. Like I said before I’m supported by my family. Maybe Sheehan’s son could use some support, his support has forgotten who her son was and that he volunteered for this mission, but what can you expect from a newly non-elected politician.

Wherever he is now he could use some support from people who care. So let your support for him and the others like him be heard. It’s a tough time right now, but again we wouldn’t have it any other way.

- Jerry Frasier is an Army “special agent,” stationed at Camp Slayer, Iraq. He reports that his father, is a two-time Vietnam veteran and now retired California police officer; and his mother, works at the County Courthouse.

I was reading over at Sgt. Hook’s place earlier today and I came across this post. It got me to thinking and remembering…

It brought back childhood memories of a neighbor of my parents named Robert. His father was a China Marine and Robert was an army man himself. His father was long gone by this point, but he used to tell me stories of his time overseas and of his father’s. His father (Robert Sr.) survived the Battan Death March and time as a POW. His words instilled a deep respect in me from a very young age. It also helped me understand my own grandfathers’ experiences.

One of my grandfathers was in the Army Air Corps and then career Air Force. He was in WWII and Korea. He’s seen some pretty horrific things in his life and he’s always been very tight-lipped about his experiences. He served at Guadalcanal and to this day can’t go to the beach…he doesn’t see ocean and sand.

Because of Robert’s stories and my own reading, I managed to learn enough to be able to ask my grandfather specific questions…questions he sometimes even answered. I wish I knew more about him and his life, but he still keeps that whole time very close to himself. He’s of the generation that was taught that whatever they did or saw should just be put behind them. He once told me that in truth, no one wanted to hear what he’d been through. It’s taken all my life so far to help him understand otherwise. He’s still plagued by demons past.

I remember that when Saving Private Ryan came out, I went to the theatre with my mom to watch it. I sobbed through most of the movie and immediately after it ended, I called my grandpa. I just wanted to hear his voice and to tell him thank you and that I loved him. It took him completely by surprise and he broke down just a little. But it was good for him to know that I care and I think his stories and experiences are important.

This line of communication expanded a bit when Clark was deployed. My grandpa took an active interest in what was going on with Clark and how he was faring. It was the only time in my life that my grandpa actually asked me if there were any questions I had about deployment. He wouldn’t say too much, but what little insight he did share I hold very dear.

I actually always saw a lot of my grandpa in Clark…right down to the same flashing eyes and the stubborn set to the jaw when they’ve decided to dig in their heels…unforetunately, they share the same demons as well. I just hope Clark doesn’t keep the pain so close for as long.

As for my grandpa, his is a sad story and far too common, but there is hope. Slowly, year by year, his walls are coming down. He allows himself the emotions that he kept bottled for more than 50 years. I know he’ll never shake free completely, and that’s okay. At least he’s learning that other people have forgiven him…and perhaps someday, he’ll be able to forgive himself.

***UPDATE*** ok, so this update is actually for the post below, but I wanted to give all five of my regular readers the opportunity to see this. Dear friend, Dale posted this article on the passing of Mrs. Julie Moore, one of the greatest Army wives of modern times. The article is a couple years old, but I thought it was still important enough to share. She was definitely one of the good ones.

Today is one of those days when I just can’t seem to get going in any meaningful way. I am back at work after another of my all-too-common 36hr migraines. The workload isn’t too crazy today…which, by the way is a good thing since I am still working reception in addition to my own job. I had a case this morning that should have taken me an hour and a half or so…three hours later I finally finished it. Oy I hate when my brain doesn’t work at full speed. I could so go back to sleep right now. My body crashed out and I have been capable of sleep!! Yay!! I’m gonna go with this for as long as I can…it will only last another day or so I’m sure.

Anyway, I have been listening Bob Marley and Santana this morning…they always make the day a little less grey. So here’s a little Santana for ya…with Steven Tyler for the bonus.
“Just Feel Better” By Santana

Last night’s movie of choice was We Were Soldiers, a movie that always makes me cry but it excellently filmed and acted. I still cry at three separate scenes every time I watch; but that’s ok by me. I think it’s healthy to still be affected by tragedy, I don’t ever want to become hardened and cynical.

The point of this post is that unlike the previous war movie this one has a wonderful portrayal of what most of the silent ranks looks like. These were strong, loving women who supported their soldiers and each other…through the good times and the bad.

It was my experience that the Silent Ranks really do stick together…we came from very different backgrounds, beliefs and politics; but when it came to our soldiers, there was nothing that split us apart. I have women in my life that I consider family…some are closer than sisters yet we’ve never met face to face. That’s what a deployment does, it brings people together who normally wouldn’t have given more than the time of day to one another.

I am not advocating deployments as a means to friendship…but what i am saying is that there is a lot more to the women who comprise the boots on the ground than what is normally shown. This movie does a much better job of showing that than most I’ve seen.

For the record, there were no fights during this movie…only sporadic pieces of trivia and history. Which, in my mind, is a much better outcome.

Last night Kalohe and I watched Jarhead. The movie was well done. I really want to read the book that Anthony Swafford wrote (yes i know that i’m lame because I haven’t read it yet). I heard him speak a few years back shortly after I got out of high school.

Anyway, watching the movie brought back some very unpleasant memories from Clark’s deployment. THe portrayal of all the wives and girlfriends back home was sickening. Every single one of the (except for the very pregnant wife of one marine) was shown as a Barracks bunny or other disgusting creature. This post isn’t going to turn into a drawn-out rant about Jody’s whores, I don’t have the time or energy for that full-blown discussion. Besides, the Service Girls and I already tackled this issue a number of times.

But watching Jarhead did remind me of all the bullshit that went on during Clark’s deployment. He and I never had issues while he was gone (once he got home was a different story…but that isn’t the point right now.) but I did field many questions from other guys in his platoon regarding the faithfulness of their significant other. It’s a very uncomfortable position to have to confirm to a guy in a warzone that yes, his wife/gf/etc is indeed cheating on him.

The scenes involving the Jody’s whores sparked a discussion between Kalohe and myself. There is one scene where the main characters are looking at the Wall of Shame where all the cheating wives/girlfriends’s pictures are displayed. I made a comment about the whole situation being fucked up. Kalohe then commented, “Well, that’s just how it is.”

I said nothing but I’m sure my body tensed up with all the things i wasn’t saying. Kalohe then added, “well, to some extent I guess.”

Me: “Yeah, to some extent that’s how things are. But it’s not a majority.”
Kalohe: Girl, that’s the way of the world. Females back home cheat.
Me: You might wanna rephrase that. Not all girls back home cheat. Some do, and unfortunately they make the rest of us look bad.
Kalohe: Yeah well a lot of them do. And even if they aren’t, that’s all the guy is gonna think about.
me: That’s his choice, of course. But there are doubts on both sides, that’s part of every relationship.
Kalohe: But it’s worse for the guy. He’s a warzone and he’s got people telling him that his girl is cheating.
Me: Kalohe, you’re trying to tell me that it’s the girl’s fault that people tell her soldier (or marine as this case happened to be) that she is cheating…whether she is or not? That doesn’t even make sense. It’s not easy for either person. But it’s still up to the individual to decide whether to believe the rumors or to believe their significant other.
Kalohe: See that’s why you can’t have a wife or girlfriend if you’re going to be in the military.
Me: WHAT?? Of course you can. It’s tough, yes…but no relationship is easy. But yes, you can have a relationship…and they can even last through a deployment.
Kalohe: No you can’t Audrey, it’s too hard. The guy has enough to worry about without spending all his time worrying about what’s going on back home.
Me: Don’t try to tell me it’s too hard. I know how hard it is. But don’t tell me it can’t work. It can and it does. And for those guys who have a committed relationship, their deployment is actually easier to deal with because they know that they have support from home.
Kalohe: Audrey, I know you were faithful and I know that you experience is where this is coming from; but it’s too hard.
Me: Kalohe, yes, I was faithful. So were most of the girls I knew…we waited and supported and lived through our own hell. But in the end, it’s worth it. That’s what matters most. Nothing is perfect, and no relationship is without it’s problems or doubts…but you have to be willing to work through it and have faith…tempered with reality but faith all the same.
Kalohe: I know that I couldn’t have a girlfriend or wife if I was in the military…it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t live with the doubt.
Me: That is your choice. But it’s not always as bad as the movies portray it.

We pretty much got silent after that…the whole thing fucked with my head. Kalohe has been talking a lot lately about joining the military. But my spin out was only partially about him…it was so much deeper than that. So many events flashed through my mind…things I hadn’t thought about in years…the whores in Clark’s unit…the gossip of the FRG…putting my hand into a brick wall…phone calls from half a world away asking for confirmation or denial regarding both parties…oy…it was a long night.

Thanks TG for listening…I had quite a bit of venting to do. It breaks my heart that Kalohe has had such negative experiences in the past…he’s never not had his trust broken…that’s what happens when you pick up gutter rats. He’s slowly learning that we aren’t all like that. Man, do I know how to pick them or what??