Musings of an Empress

Ok, so in the last three days I have gotten an inordinate amount of hits by people looking for pictures of Peter Facinelli in the Fastlane days. So, always one to do my part to beautify America; here are some photos. For the record…he’s on my list…

This is what happens when I can’t sleep and even G has finally gone to bed…

Your Driving Is is: 82% Male, 18% Female

According to studies, you drive like a typical male. You’re reckless, aggressive, and see driving as a game. And while you like to live on the edge a little, you still know how to drive safely.

That appears to be an appropriate title for me these days. It’s not actually that bad, really. A few hours ago, Grace and I arrived home from another whirlwind tour of the state. This time we didn’t make it all the way to San Diego though. We stopped about an hour north in Temecula.

Sunday was my mentor, Burt’, s 40th birthday. His wife and pastoral staff threw him a huge surprise party on Saturday night…Grace knew I really wanted to be there for it so Friday after work we tossed clothes and food into the car and set off for SoCal. We rolled into out adopted family’s house at about 4:30 Saturday morning. We spent a relaxing day in the most kickass swimming pool I’ve ever been it…I am definitely a salt water pool convert. Anyway, that evening Grace and I headed off to Burt’s church. He was shocked beyond belief to see us there (It had been almost a year since i saw him last) and so excited that he introduced us to everyone who walked by.

We managed to come up with a convincing enough reason to show up without giving away any information about his birthday. At the endo of the service, Burt’s wife brought out a huge birthday cake with 40 candles and we could see the wheels turning in Burt’s head. As soon as things settled down a bit, Grace and I made our way back over to him. This time we said “Happy BIrthday” and gave him the card we had. His response cracked me up (and i quote), “No…shut up! You didn’t! Wow, you girls really drove all the way from Sacramento for me. Wow…I am really special.” The way his face lit up was worth the entire drive.

See, Burt is one of the most important people in my life. I don’t see him very often anymore, but that in no way diminishesthe impact he’s had on my life. Many of the things that my friends love about me are the direct result of Burt’s influence. I worked for him when I lived in San Diego, and to be perfectly honest, if he had the resources, I’d be working for him right now. He’s one of the most non-judgemental and caring human beings you could hope to meet. People are his passion…well, people and extreme sports. He loves all things that speed but he’s a surfer first and foremost.

I was really thankful to get to hang out with Burt this weekend. It’s what my soul needed to reenergize. The eight hour drive didn’t even seem too bad…now if only I didn’t have to start another week up here…I would be ecstatic. I have a feeling that another roadtrip is in my not too distant future…

Where to begin…there is so much to write down and so little time in which to write. I realize that I should be happy to be so busy since I’m the same one who complains bitterly when bored. I just wish I had enough time to gather my thoughts and maybe even finish one project before I dive head first into the next.

I digress; in the few minute I have, I simply must recount the events of Friday night. This story actually starts last Thursday when Grace and I were shopping for the many items we needed for host a barbeque on Friday night. As we were leaving the store, we ran into our old neighbor, Roger. We hadn’t seen Roger in about eight months as he moved shortly after we moved into the complex. We got along well for the short amount of time we knew him, so we stopped to chat.

By the end of the conversation, Grace had given him her number and invited him to stop by the barbeque if he wanted to the next night. We then thought nothing more of it and went about the preparations for the festivities.

The barbeque wasn’t a large party, just G and a couple other people and now, apparently, Roger. Friday night came and we cooked massive amounts of food. Roger showed up with his own beverages and we all had a laidback time. After a few hours, G had to leave since she had to work the next morning. She and the crew left but Roger stayed.

No big deal, Grace and I didn’t really see an issue. We played cards and drank for a while. Then each of us started to notice little things that were out of place…tiny details that would have been completely imperceptible had they been purported by say, Will or Dean. Then, with little warning, Roger asked Grace and I if we wanted to have a threesome.

Now, had he asked me when I was completely drunk or sober I could have answered him seriously (the answer I give him would be no regardless of my impairment); but he waited until I was just barely buzzed. In that state, my first inclination is to laugh…and that’s exactly what I did. I laughed at him. Not the polite “I’m a bit embarrassed” laugh…no, we’re talking the “full-out, did you really just ask that question in seriousness?” laugh. Grace informed him that we don’t actually roll that way.

Does he catch on to the fact that he’s been shot down? Nope. He asks again. Yeah…you’re not getting anywhere here buddy. At this point, I know I had the “you’re a moron” expression plastered across my face and here’s Roger, completely incredulous that we would say no to him.

Grace and I got him towards the front door as quickly as possible…two reasons: not only was he getting creepier by the moment, but I was loosing what little control I had over my words…I was about to call him all sorts of names as I told him what I really thought.

Doorway…we’re almost free of Roger…wait, he turns back around and asks, “So, maybe another night then?”

Seriously?? Did you really ask a third time? Do you realize that you had to double check which one of us was Grace and which one was Audrey? Are you really that stupid? Or that cocky? I’ma have to lean towards stupid…the man had previously been cute…but he was never that cute.

We barely got the door closed behind him before Grace and I collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter. It took several minutes to compose ourselves.

Everyone who has heard this story has had the same response: “He said what?!?! You’re not supposed to say that out loud!” Since then, Dean will periodically call and simply ask, “So, wanna have a threesome?” Before he dissolves into a fit of laughter himself.

Note to self: Apparently, the words: wanna hang out and barbeque with us actually means: wanna have a threesome…Useful information to know.

Just a little math for the class
miles driven since Thursday night — 2500
hours I was on vacation — 86
hours spent driving — 41
average price of gas — 3.49 per gallon
fantastic memories — priceless

My trip to San Diego with Grace and G was wonderful. It was chaotic, insane and exhausting but one of the most fun weekends I’ve had in years. I drove from Sacramento to San Diego twice with some huge detours each time…totally not the plan but well worth it to kidnap Will for the day. Many stories to relate but since I still haven’t slept a full night’s sleep (even for me) the stories must wait.

I can definitely say however that Will is the best navigation system I have ever encountered. When in doubt, call Blondestar. hehe.

In other news, the fantastic Ms. Judy and Mr. Gene just left my casa. We had a hilarious and relaxing evening over barbequed chicken and bitch beers. We simply must do this again sometime soon. I can’t believe it took us this long in the first place!!

Now, I must sleep…g’night ya’ll.

I was tagged by Ms. Judy so here is my list.

The first player of this game starts with “6 weird things/habits about yourself.” In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. The people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, stating this rule clearly, and tagging six more victims. Don’t forget to leave your victims a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read yours.

Here are my six:

1. My irrational fears include: garden gnomes, green parrots and peep holes in doors.

2. I always “kiss the roof” when I drive through a yellow light. Yes I do actually think it helps keep me from tickets.

3. I am incapable of making easy mac…it’s not a snobbery issue…I really can’t make it.

4. If you ask me what time it is, my brain simultaneously tells Cali time and Iraq time.

5. Sometimes my dreams are more vivid than my reality.

6. Easy listening and new age music that is supposed to relax you puts me on edge really fast…same for a lot of big band music…Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock calm me…

As for tagging, well I’m not gonna, but if you wanna share your own neurotic behaviors, I’d love to hear them.

Ok, so I don’t have time to write all about my trip right now, besides I’m still on it. More to follow. but for now, here is a survey from Rie.

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Color: deep purple
Favorite Time: Sunset
Favorite Food: G-ma E’s cajun red beans and rice
Favorite Drink: Tan Hawaiian (Kahlua and milk)
Favorite Ice Cream: Cherry Garcia from Ben and Jerry’s
Favorite Place: Ensenada or the Ferry Landing in Coronado
Favorite Sport: Football
Favorite Actor: I only get one?? Jared Leto, Nathan Fillion and Viggo Mortensen are a few of my favorites
Favorite Actress: Angelina Jolie, Lauren Graham and Audrey Hepburn

9 Currents
Current Feeling: exhausted but light
Current Drink: coffee
Current Time: 10:57 est
Current Show on tv: Not currently watching tv
Current Mobile used: Sony Ericsson (It’s old…really old)
Current Windows Open: gmail and blogger
Current Underwear: army green thong
Current Clothes: low rise faded jeans, green billabong polo and brown leather flip flops
Current Thought: Do I reall have to go home tomorrow?

8 Firsts
First Nickname: munchkin
First Kiss: age 14, Lane…I don’t remember where we were or why…
First Crush: JM, he is still one of the hottest boys I know.
First Best Friend: JM. We were inseparable…he asked me to marry him when we were 4 and again when we were 6…I should have just married him. lol
First Vehicle I Drove: Honda civic
First Job: nanny
First Date: is it bad that I don’t actually remember?? It was with Daniel…that should count for something
First Pet: A dog named Missi

7 Lasts
Last Drink: coffee
Last Kiss: Kalohe
Last Meal: biscuits and gravy
Last Web Site Visited: gmail
Last Movie Watched: fantastic 4 with my nieces
Last Phone Call: I called my mommy to tell her congrats on her masters degree (she graduated yesterday)
Last TV show Watched: Fastlane (yeah buddy!!)

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever: Broken the Law: I’m not answering this
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Oh yeah!
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Yes
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: Yes
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes
Have You Ever Broken Anyones Heart: not that i know of

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: sissy on the phone, the kids playing games and the dog running around
Things On Your Bed: I don’t know…I haven’t seen my bed in a week
Things You Ate Today: coffee, water, biscuits and gravy
Things You Can’t Live Without: LOVE
Things You Do When You Are Bored: I don’t have time to be bored…but I go driving, watch movies, go see friends

4 Places You Have Been Today
I’m lame, I haven’t gone anywhere yet

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
I don’t have a dest right now, but this table has pictures, a camera and a beer can

2 Choices
Black or White: Black
Hot or Cold: hot

1 Place You Want To Visit
Just one, huh? Hmmm…French Polynesia (I’m keeping this answer…I hear BoraBora is nice this time of year)

Today I have had somewhat of a writer’s block. I can’t seem to order my thoughts. Being sick has kicked my lupus into high gear. That means not only is every part of my body causing me pain, but my skin is crawling on the inside. It’s definitely not my favorite feeling.

Anyway, back to the writer’s block. I have been reading Miss Amelie’s blog for a while and I decided that she has some great ideas…one of which I am going to appropriate. I hope she doesn’t mind too terribly. I decided that I will share ten random facts about myself…things that many of you probably don’t yet know about me. So here goes:

1. I used to speak fluent Spanish and while i was in college I taught myself latin. I also know enough French and Hawaiian to get myself into trouble
2. I dream in Spanish when I’m really tired
3. Most of my friends growing up were guys. Other girls intimidate me sometimes. Guys make more sense to me.
4. Lancers are my favorite car…if I had a million dollars to spend on a car…I would still buy a Lancer….it would be the Ralliart Edition though or the Evo VIII. (I don’t like the new ones)
5. I love to bake but I HATE eating whatever I have baked. I much prefer to watch others eat.
6. I’ve gotten the suicide call from someone I loved. I was 15. (He’s actually ok as far as I know)
7. I got out of running stadiums in high school because I bet my PE teacher I could out bench her…I did and she didn’t make me do staduims for the rest of the year
8. I love to wear tall heels. I learned to walk in stilettos by watching RuPaul.
9. When I was little I wanted to grow up to be either She-Ra, Princess of Power or Susanna Hoffs, lead singer of the Bangles
10. My favorite book from childhood was “To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street” by Dr. Seuss…I demanded that it be read to me at least three times a day

This past Saturday was Youth Day. That means nothing to anyone who lives outside this area but if you live in a small town, odds are you have a festival very much like Youth Day. Around here, it’s little more than an excuse for the entire town to be drunk in public without repercussions.

Anyway, G and her sissy were tending for A who was out of town. Youth Day is always wild and crazy so they even brought in an extra bouncer to help Kolohe out. I knew that if I wanted a spot inside the bar I had to be there early…I also figured I would need to help out if they got slammed.

And slammed we were, from 10:15 on we were packed! There were times when the line of people ordering drinks was three deep at the bar. I bar backed for about five hours. It took all of us to keep up with demeand.

It was exhausting, but fun all the same. Kinda like old times revisited. G hadn’t been back to tend on a Saturday since she quit in December. The band was good. MOH, you would have appreciated the lead singer’s son who did a damn good cover of Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah.

The rundown of Saturday, in numbers:

5 — hours I worked in 4in heels

4 — number of tequila shots and drinks spilled on me

3 — number of men who asked to take me home

2 — number of plastic party cups I had thrown at me

1 — number of marriage proposals I recieved

0 — number of glasses/cups/shots that I spilled or dropped

In reference to the men asking to take me home I have a funny story. It goes something like this: I’m working (doing dishes at this point, i had just cocktailed and had tons of glasses to restock) and there are two drunk friends sitting across from me on the other side of the bar.

Drunk #1: You’re really pretty
Drunk #2: Yeah you are
Me: Aww, thanks guys. How are ya’ll doing tonight?
Drunk #2: We’re good, getting drunk is good
Drunk #1: I wanna take you home tonight
Me: hehehe no thanks hon
Drunk #1: But I want to take you home with me
Drunk #2: Yeah he really wants you to go home with him
Drunk #1: See, I really do. You should come home with me
Me: That’s sweet guys, but not gonna happen
Drunk #1: So you aren’t gonna come home with me?
Me: Nope, sorry not gonna happen
Drunk #1: Then will you at least let me leave you a tip?

He left me a good tip too…but he seems to have the concept a bit backwards. But that’s fine, I’ll take his money. hehehe. G, Sissy and I were laughing so hard over that.

This is what happens when I can’t sleep…

Hehehe it’s a good thing I know my grammar…otherwise my job would be much more difficult.