Musings of an Empress

The days seem to just drag on right now. In some ways it feels like life is sailing past; but the things that really matter, well time practically stands still. Professionally I’m doing well…or so I hear. I’ve gotten great feedback on all the projects I’ve completed. In fact, I was tagged this week to work on projects specifically for the General. The Deputy Directors have been requesting me for a while now; their positive reception of my work is gratifying and I really need that to stay in this job.  We had an ORISE team meeting today and my project manager (read: guy who hired me) told me that there is a position, identical to the one I hold, opening in
Tennessee. Actually, it the exact job I wanted when I applied back in April last year. My boss told me he would put in a transfer request if I wanted it…I turned it down. No questions asked. I just said, “No thank you”.  Maybe it was a mistake; but I don’t think so. If I left right now it would be wrong for several reasons.  

1. Right now I would be using this as an escape from the parts of my life that I’m not happy with
2. There is no way that Oakridge could offer me the opportunities of professional growth that I already have here
3. G-ma and G-pa are back on this coast so my major reason for moving is no longer valid
4. Moving right now would be nothing more than an escape from the parts of my life that I’m not happy with [redundancy is intentional here, kids]

I get to start with a new boss in just over two weeks, after our After Action Report is on the Governor’s desk and I can’t wait. I will be shadowing the Exercise Director through the planning and execution of the Statewide Full Scale Exercise in November. Working for a loud retired firefighter is right up my alley.  We get along great and being a multi-tasker is definitely coming in handy. I swear he’s yet to finish one sentence before he’s on to the next thought. Anyway, I’m already getting to have a hand in all the processes involved in putting together statewide disaster preparedness exercises.   I’ve been throwing myself into my work even more than normal to make up for the fact that Adrian and I have been having a rough patch…or at least he’s been having a rough patch. I don’t know much and I don’t want to talk about what I do know…it’s tough enough to acknowledge it in my own mind. But when my personal life is up in the air…my professional life flourishes. Fortunately there is enough work to keep me busy and my mind mostly off of
Adrian…at least between the hours of 8 and 6.  I would also like to take this opportunity to plug the amazing quality of MAC make-up. I spent about 15 minutes driving and crying this morning and when I got to Starbucks, my make up was still perfect…the only telling feature was the redness of my eyes. When I got to work, no one was the wiser. MAC rocks, period.

So I stole this idea from <a href=”http://sios.mu.nu/”>Miss Joan</a> it just took me a little longer to get mine written.

1. I’m an Aries/Taurus Cusp kid. I was born directly in the center of the “Week of Power” which should explain a lot.
2.  I used to speak fluent Spanish…I even dream in Spanish when I’m really tired. While I was in college I taught myself Latin.  I also read and comprehend French.
3. I lived in
   N. Hollywood for a while. The city sucked…the apartment rocked. You can see it in Fast and the Furious.
4. I used to be head of PR for an independent clothing company…we had a huge celebrity following but the start-up capital wasn’t there and the company folded despite its popularity.
5. I used to live in
   Mexico every summer…if I could move back there for good I would do it in a heart beat.
6. My scariest moment happened before my senior year in high school. I was almost kidnapped in
   Mexico. I was dragged two blocks and down some stairwell before anyone got to me.  If one of my friends hadn’t been there…I wouldn’t be here now. To this day I will not willingly set foot in
   Tijuana.
7.  I like a man who knows how to use his hands; in fact, hands are one of the first physical features I notice on a man.
8. My favorite place to watch a sunset is the Ferry Landing in
   Coronado
9. My favorite artist is Shano; my favorite poets are Viggo Mortensen and Henry Rollins
10. I was born a firstborn…but after my parents adopted or took in other kids, I am now a third born….I’m still not used to being bossed around.
11. It’s been three years, but when I tell time my brain still automatically calculates the time in
    Iraq.
12. I see other people’s dreams all the time. Sometimes more vividly than they see it themselves…it used to scare me.
13. I dream walk…I have since I was 5 years old. It gets kinda crowded in my head sometimes.
14. There are three people I feel to the core of my being at all times.
15. If given the opportunity, I would trade my opposite soul for what’s behind door #2.
16. I wasn’t always an insomniac. It started when
    Clark went overseas…only recently has my body readjusted from Operation Iraqi Freedom time.
17. Other girls intimidate me sometimes. Guys make more sense to me.
18. I am irrationally terrified of lawn gnomes. I really do freak out if I see one unexpectedly. I’m also afraid of green parrots…I don’t like birds, but it’s mostly green parrots that scare me.
19. The first concert I ever went to was the Moody Blues when I was three.
20. I am a recovered anorexic purger. I don’t ever get on scales. If required to, I face backwards and close my eyes…just in case.
21.  I have colored my hair since I was 11…I don’t actually know what my “natural” hair color would be now.
22. I was a competitive cheerleader when I was a kid. Then, I coached cheer in college. I was also in colorguard in high school. (I know MOH is cringing to read this)
23. I was a ballet dancer for 12 years. I passed all my examinations through the Royal Academy of Ballet,
    London.  That means I fall gracefully.
24. I quit dancing to ride horses competitively.  I own two horses but I haven’t ridden since high school.
25. I have broken all of my toes except my big toes. (Some more than once). I’ve also broken three ribs, my tailbone and my elbow….only a few of these happened because of my clumsiness.
26. Read the rest of this entry »

The confusion inside of me seems unsurmountable right now. I don’t know…I feel like I’m back on that carousel like before. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with Clark. I’m just at a low point and things I thought I knew have ceased to exist in their proper form. What I need right now is some clarity…maybe someday.

“On the road again” seems to be my theme song these days. I have been traveling quite a bit for work. No where exciting unless you count Norwalk and Fresno as hotspots in the great state of California. I don’t know but maybe San Diego jaded me. At any rate, it appears that my scribing skills are in high demand. I have been to several conferences and meetings throughout the Department. The way I hear it, there are actually specific requests for my “skills”…all this for a girl who doesn’t type with her fingers on the correct keys. There is no accounting for taste apparently.

Tomorrow I have a conference all day and I’m not particularly excited about the subject matter. Though I suppose it’s good for me to be exposed to all the different areas under the Department’s control. At the least, I am hoping I won’t fall asleep…one of the Deputy Directors is giving the presentation.

This schedule is good for my career…or so they tell me. Ya know, it wasn’t that long ago that I was dying to travel and be constantly on the go. Now…well, I am just glad that my trip this week was cancelled. I just want to be at home. I have seen Adrian for precisely 15 minutes in the last week. Yeah, we think it’s ridiculous too. But, that’s life right now.

Adrian’s dad is out of the hospital again and apparently in better spirits after being told by his sons that if he wants to return to Mexico, they will facilitate that request. It looks as though Adrian’s parents will be here through Christmas and head home shortly thereafter. I think that as terrible as it sounds, he will be better off in his home, even if it’s away from the majority of his kids.

The way I see it, Adrian will stress about his dad whether he’s in the same country or not. Maybe now at least the pressure from the rest of the family will dissipate once mom and dad are back home. As it stands right now, Adrian catches hell if he goes even one day without visiting his parents. God forbid he wants to spend time with me. I know that part of this is cultural and part of this is because Adrian is the youngest of 14. Either way, I won’t cry when we finally have “us” time again. Perhaps that makes me a horrible, selfish person…but I have been more than understanding the last several months. The pressure of family is wearing Adrian thin and while I can about his family…Adrian…not his siblings…is my main concern.

I have great stories from my weekend that I hope to get posted by tonight. For the time being however, I have way more work than I can accomplish. We are completely swamped here at work and I have an interview at 5pm today so keep your fingers crossed for me. I’ll let ya’ll know how it goes.

Life has been crazy this week…hence the lack of posting. It will get better; I haven’t dropped off the planet…not yet anyway.

Lots of work and trying to get caught up with friends and attempt to stay that way. Who knows yet whether or not it will happen. As Popeye say, “Me does the best me can do and that’s all me can do.”

My weekend is looking to be action-packed again and I’m hoping I can keep up. C’est la vie! Better to be busy than bored, I suppose.

In other news, I have an interview scheduled for Monday morning. It’s with a University and I think it’s a place I would really like to work. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much, but there is a little part of me that believes I have a real shot at it. We’ll see. I let ya’ll know when I know anything more.

Hope ya’ll have a great weekend.

I was touched by my very own St. Catherine (the patron saint of libraries) today…though mine is far cooler than the original (I mean no disrespect, I’m just partial to mine). I retrieved the mail this afternoon and to my delight, there was a padded envelope contianing a much anticipated book. MOH was kind enough to send me some new reading material. I am stoked! Can’t wait to begin reading.

It appears that we are starting a book trade of sorts. It’s like a mail-in library. From what I’ve seen, MOH has a better selection of books than my local library, so I think I got the good end of this deal!

This evening, I finished Do I Come Here Often? and I’m most of the way through No Place Like Home. I started it on the plane ride back from Tennessee. Don’t mock, there aren’t a lot of literary choices at the Nashville airport…I picked something more substantial than the trashy romance novels with Fabio on the cover.

Also in my mailbox today was a cd I couldn’t wait to get my hands on. Niccola introduced me to their music a few weeks ago, and I must say: I am hooked. I enjoy the tracks, the lyrics and the general sound. Here’s how the members of Fredalba describe themselves:

“An artist that knows no boundaries or borders is free to create and expand a genre. So many styles, like musical miles, this is the fever that brought Fredalba together to create our own musical climate. Nourished by Los Angeles, a city whose landscapes are as wide and varied as her cultures, the soul of Fredalba is an amalgamation of this diversity. The underground to the new sound: not a hybrid of styles and ideas colliding, but a marriage of influences where the lines cease to exist.” — “Possibility Through Positivity”

Go listen for yourselves…I am currently enjoying the music and the literary works…Though I really ought to be sleeping…tomorrow will be a long day. On the upside it culminates with a dinner with friends. Yay. Hope ya’ll have enough light in your day.

ps…Happy Birthday sissy! Today is Roxy’s 27th birthday. Love you!!

There is much to say about the last two days, but at this point I don’t know how much I am free to discuss outside of my own head. So, here’s what I can say: my Saturday is going to be very busy and I couldn’t be happier.

In the morning I have to wash Kai and fill up the gas tank (that will be painful) and then I go to pick Niccola up at the airport. We have a coupel of hours to hang out before I have to relinquish her to Daddy Van. I’m not complaining though, I swear!

After I drop Niccola off I have to spend a couple hours doing laundry and baking. I may see Kalohe; but I’m not sure yet. Tomorrow evening I’m going to be hanging out with Dean. We decided that we simply must do something completely random…leaning towards bowling at the minute. hehe. It will be good times whatever we do.

So that’s lots of happy stuff…now for the things that made me cranky today…I am currently driving illegally. I do realize I shouldn’t say that outloud, but whatever. Kai’s tags are expired and the City and DMV are fucking around with me. They want me to pay twice for a fucking parking ticket I got last August for parking in the lot of the building i work in. It’s a very touchy subject around the office. Anyway, the two entities have me running in circles and ya’ll know how I feel about running as a general rule.

I’m tired, so I am off to sleep…busy day tomorrow and all. Have a great weekend, ya’ll.

I’m now back in Cali and trying to get back into the swing of life here. My trip was wonderful, emotional and over far too soon.

I spent most of the week with my grandparents. It was a relaxing and illuminating experience. G-ma and i sat and talked for hours every day over seemingly endless cups of Newfie tea. I visited with great aunts that I hadn’t seen since I was a small child and a few cousins I hadn’t seen for years either.

I spent my last weekend at my sister’s house. It was chaotic and loud and fantastic. My little ones are getting so very big! Lil Bit is speaking clearly and and all the time now. Even Baby Gan is growing up. He talks quite a bit too. My Bana Bear is almost as tall as I am and C Man is taller than me by more than a few inches.

It was really good to spend time with George and Elizabeth as well. I hadn’t seen them in way too long and as soon as the five of us (TG, James, George, Elizabeth and I) were together it was as though no time had passed.

We had a mini house party on Friday night and “Cookie got drunk at Vogue”. I was mixing drinks (I introduced the boys to Irish Car Bombs) and ended up drinking a whole bottle (granted it was the smaller size) of Kahlua all by myself. Good times. I called MOH in the middle of my evening to share stories and the lightning storm.

I so love lightning storms. I’m not much for rain…but thunder and lightning definitely make me happy. I sat outside watching the lighning and the fire flies. It was wonderfully relaxing.

I have much more to say, but unfortunately no more time to say it at the moment. I will try to get caught up soon. Plus, I have been tagged by the wonderful Ms. Judy and I need to respond.

Oy! It’s a good thing that today is Friday and that tomorrow I begin my vacation. This week at work has put way more stress on me than is healthy. This time tomorrow, I will be changing planes at LAX…a sad commentary that I’d rather be there than here. hehe. Anyway, my vacation hasn’t started yet, therefore, I am annoyed. Here’s a short list.

• Idiots who drive with the tops up on their convertibles when it’s 82 and sunny. (If you can’t figure out what to do with your convertible, give it to me…I’ll show you how it’s done)
• People who drive with their blinker on for multiple city blocks; then come to a full and complete stop before turning their compact car into a driveway designed for a semi-truck.
• Receptionists who don’t answer the phone because they are, “busy and it interrupts what I’m doing to answer the phone.” (Cuz you get that option? Seriously?)
• Loan companies that fucker up your deferment and threaten you with late charges on a loan they chose to defer
• Grandfathers…mine mainly…not anyone else’s…yet. Direct quote from mine a few minutes ago: “Your grandmother still seems to miss all you out there. It’s like she can’t get over it. It’s really affecting her whole attitude about Tennessee.” For the record, he said this in a tone of voice that implied that I oughta be sympathetic to his side.

Oy! At least it’s Friday. So, what’s bugging you guys today?